Mumbai, MH — In a landmark ruling aimed at protecting citizens from emotional violence, the Department of Social Sensitivity (DSS) on Tuesday officially classified the phrase “Am I looking fat?” as hate speech, citing its “potential to incite self-loathing, insecurity, and unsolicited honesty.”
“After years of psychological casualties, we can no longer allow this weapon of mass self-doubt to circulate freely,” said DSS spokesperson Avani Marris, announcing the decision at a press conference where mirrors were banned for audience safety. “The phrase has been used recklessly in living rooms, changing rooms, and date nights, often targeting unsuspecting partners with no chance of survival.”
Under the new law, anyone uttering the phrase in public may face mandatory empathy training and a fine of up to rupees 5000 for emotional endangerment. Repeat offenders could be sentenced to six months of enforced silence or a weeklong retreat in front of unfiltered bathroom lighting.
Collateral Damage
Victims of the phrase have long reported symptoms including sweaty panic, verbal paralysis, and desperate attempts to redirect conversation toward “inner beauty.”
“I just froze,” recalled local man Akshay Jain, who was asked the question by his wife before a dinner party. “I knew no answer was safe. Saying ‘no’ made me sound insincere, saying ‘yes’ meant instant death. I ended up pretending to choke on a breadstick.”
Legal experts have praised the ruling, calling it “a necessary step in protecting partners from conversational traps disguised as self-assessment.”
“Historically, this phrase has been deployed like a rhetorical landmine,” said legal analyst Dr. Ramona Mishra. “Once it’s out there, someone’s going to lose a limb — emotionally speaking.”
Mixed Reactions
Not everyone supports the ban. The Association of Fashion Retailers expressed concern that outlawing the phrase may lead to “a catastrophic decline in fitting-room banter.” Meanwhile, couples’ therapists have welcomed the decision, noting that “Am I looking fat?” was responsible for 78% of session bookings.
In response to the ruling, DSS has also issued a list of approved alternatives, including “How confident do I seem?” and “Does this outfit match my aura?”
At press time, sources confirmed a follow-up proposal to classify “Be honest with me” as terroristic language, citing “irreversible emotional casualties” among those foolish enough to comply.