VELLORE, TN — In what experts are calling “a bold but geographically unsound interpretation of literature,” local man Ashok Kumar, 29, crashed his 2012 Honda Civic into a roadside ditch Monday after reportedly taking “the road less traveled,” sources confirmed.
Ashok, who was returning home from a weekend mindfulness retreat, told police he was “feeling deeply introspective” when he decided to follow his heart — and a poorly maintained dirt path not recognized by Google Maps.
“I just kept hearing Frost’s words in my head: ‘Two roads diverged in a yellow wood’,” said Ashok, still clutching a tattered copy of The Road Not Taken as paramedics hoisted his vehicle out of a trench. “I thought, you know, maybe the unpaved one would make all the difference. Turns out the difference is three busted tires and a tow truck.”
Witnesses say Ashok ignored multiple signs reading “No Outlet,” “Private Property,” and “Absolutely Not A Road,” before confidently accelerating into what was later confirmed to be an irrigation ditch belonging to a nearby farm.
“He seemed very inspired,” said farmer Ramesh Mathews, who found Ashok’s car half-submerged in mud. “He kept mumbling something about destiny and metaphor while trying to Google ‘how to reverse out of regret.’”
Authorities at the scene advised motorists to “consult a map, not a poem,” reminding citizens that “Robert Frost was not a licensed civil engineer.”
Literary scholars, however, defended Ashok’s actions. “Frost’s work is often misinterpreted,” explained Professor Helen Murray of Vanderbilt University. “The poem is actually about the illusion of choice, not taking dangerous detours. But in Ashok’s case, we may be witnessing a new form of immersive reading.”
Ashok, who has since been ticketed for reckless driving and “misuse of metaphor,” maintains he has no regrets. “Everyone else was stuck in traffic,” he said. “I was stuck in a ditch. But, like Frost said — that has made all the difference.”
At press time, Ashok was reportedly considering “sailing uncharted waters” after misreading The Old Man and the Sea as a boating manual.