NEW DELHI — After spending two hours trapped in standstill traffic where even ambulances were honking in vain, local commuter Rajesh Verma found salvation in the only moving object on the road: a cow.
Witnesses report that while hundreds of frustrated motorists sat helplessly revving their engines, Verma noticed the serene bovine gracefully making its way through the gridlock — with drivers politely reversing their cars to clear a path, some even folding their hands in respect.
“I realized enlightenment right there on NH-8,” said Verma. “Why fight traffic when you can join the holy lane?” Moments later, he abandoned his Maruti, hopped onto the cow, and reached his office in a miraculous 10 minutes — overtaking not only cars but also three metro trains and one unfortunate scooterist still arguing with an auto driver.
Verma’s unorthodox commute has sparked nationwide interest in what experts are calling “COWpooling.”
We spoke to the cow’s owner, Ramesh Yadav, who claimed business has been booming. “After this incident, the demand for cows has skyrocketed. Prices are rising faster than Bitcoin — and at least cows are backed by actual assets,” he said. “Right now, there’s a nine-month waiting period on new deliveries due to… manufacturing constraints.”
Economic Ripple Effects
Sensing a disruption in the automobile market, the Motor Vehicles Association of India issued a stern statement urging the government to impose 18% GST on cow sales “to ensure fair competition with four-wheelers.”
Meanwhile, the Sugarcane Producers Association demanded the government mandate 20% ethanol blending in cattle feed “to align with green mobility goals and also move some leftover stock.”
Auto analysts warn that major carmakers are scrambling to adapt. “Maruti is reportedly working on a new hybrid model called the Moo-800,” said one insider, “while Tata is exploring a subscription plan where users can lease a cow with complimentary cowbell and dung-based carbon credits.”
Environmental Concerns
Not everyone is cheering the rise of bovine mobility. Environmental groups have expressed concerns over emissions. “Older cows emit significantly more methane, which is a greenhouse gas,” warned a spokesperson from GreenPlanet. “We’re proposing a 15-year cap on commute cows — after that, they must be recycled into organic compost.”
The Pollution Control Board has also been flooded with petitions demanding cows be brought under PUC (Pollution Under Cowtrol) norms. Proposed regulations include biannual emission testing and fitting cows with eco-friendly “tail filters.”
Holy Commute of the Future
Government sources hint at a pilot project for “Cow Lanes” in major metros, with subsidies for first-time bovine buyers and “GoCow” smart tags for toll-free passage.
As for Verma, he says he’s found his new ride for life. “It’s fuel-efficient, tax-free, and never honks,” he said, lovingly patting his new coworker. “I call her Ubera.”